Blowin' in the wind

Kevin Cowherd

September 7, 2008

With the hurricane season clearly in full swing - they're stacked up like cruise ships in the Caribbean - I'd like to address the TV reporters who go out in these storms to do their stand-ups.

And the first thing I'd like to say is: What is wrong with you people?

What are you doing out in 120-mph winds, with the rain pelting your face and killer debris flying through the air and utility poles snapping like breadsticks?

At least duck under an awning.

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Or, the overhang of a movie theater.

Better yet, don't even get out of the satellite truck.

Do your stand-up right there in the front seat. And the cameraman can aim out the windshield and get all the requisite hurricane money-shots: palm trees bending in the wind, pounding surf, flooded streets, etc.

That way you both stay nice and dry. And you don't have to worry about getting killed by a flying beach umbrella.

Really, that would be fine with us viewers.

We don't need to see you TV reporters getting soaked and blown around on some desolate jetty to know it's a powerful hurricane.

We can figure that out without all the histrionics.

But you TV reporters aren't going to take that advice, are you?

Because covering the hurricane from your rented Dodge Durango isn't dramatic enough, is it? It's not a ratings-grabber.

So you feel compelled to pull on your foul-weather gear and baseball caps and grab your network-logo microphones and go outside to show us the full fury of Mother Nature.

I'm telling you, one of these days, one of you is going to get smacked in the head by a flying object.

And that'll be the end of doing stand-ups in hurricanes.

After that, when the network big-shots ask TV reporters to go out in a big storm, the response will be: "Are you crazy? I'm not going out in that stuff! Didn't you see Anderson Cooper get clocked by that roof panel?"

But with all these storms forming - Hanna just hit and Ike and Josephine are the new evil, spiraling death-masses on satellite maps - we'll see even more of you TV reporters out in bad weather.

You TV reporters didn't ask, but here are my favorite moments from the recent Hurricane Gustav coverage:

•NBC's Al Roker losing his baseball cap in the winds, the hat doing zero-to-60 down a deserted street in about 3.5 seconds.