Teen feels pressure from aunt to drink

December 4, 2008

Dear Amy: I have been married for 22 years to a great man. We have two children, ages 19 and 16. My problem is my husband's family.

Recent columns

• Put nosy visitor in her place

  December 3, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a problem with the mother of my daughter's school friend. She has no defined sense of boundaries.

• Never too late to make changes

  December 2, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for five years. This is a second marriage for us both. Combined we have six children and three grandchildren.

• Hairdresser or drug connection?

  December 1, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have had the same hairdresser for the past five years. We have always had a comfortable and friendly stylist/customer relationship, until recently. I told him I could not lay my head back in the washing bowl because I had just had neck surgery.

• Dad's anger makes him an unfit parent

  November 30, 2008

  Dear Amy: I was dating a man for 2 1/2 years who was physically and emotionally abusive. We had a daughter together and he had "changed" so I thought everything would be OK.

• Teen, mom need to make peace

  November 29, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am a 17-year-old senior in high school. Up until a few days ago, my mom was my best friend. I had an outburst and said some very hurtful things to her in anger, including the fact that I couldn't wait to get away from her (and go to college).

• It's the holidays—time to heal family rifts

  November 28, 2008

  Dear Readers: I recently ran a letter from "In Tears," whose children don't include her in holiday celebrations.

• Amy's tips for making multiple meals go smoothly

  November 27, 2008

  1. Be organized. Calculate travel times and map the route to your dinner venues in advance. If the host lets you contribute a dish to the dinner, keep a cooler in the trunk of your car with your multiple dinner offerings or bottles of wine—and throw in a small box of chocolates for your hosts to enjoy later.

• Sisters divided over pregnancy in family

  November 27, 2008

  Dear Amy: My older sister and I are at odds about our 15-year-old niece's pregnancy (she is our younger sister's daughter). I have no children of my own, but I love both of my sister's children as if they were my own.

• Only one wants to marry

  November 26, 2008

  Dear Amy: What do you do if you're in a fantastic relationship with a compatible and good person, but the timing is off?

• Family in crisis after patriarch's injury

  November 25, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband was in a work-related accident, resulting in severe brain damage. The doctors say he will never be the same. Before the accident, my children talked to us about everything; we were a very close family.

• Newlywed thinks of abusive ex

  November 24, 2008

  Dear Amy: I recently got married to a great guy. I sometimes feel as if he is not interested in me or that something is missing from our new marriage. I feel disconnected from him.

• Finders keepers for $1,000 surprise

  November 23, 2008

  Dear Amy: There was a story in the news recently about a child who found $1,000 inside a videotape at a Salvation Army store.

• Daughter drinking, doing drugs

  November 22, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a daughter who is 18 and started college this year. She has started drinking and occasionally doing drugs. She believes it is possible to balance these activities along with studying.

• Anonymous letter about infidelity

  November 21, 2008

  Dear Amy: I received a typed, anonymous letter marked "Private" in the mail today at my business. It reads: "Your husband cheated on you. Or has been having an affair. I don't know which."

• Daughter Christian, boyfriend Muslim

  November 20, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am worried sick about my daughter. She's 25 years old and has been dating a man for more than a year. They are very serious. The problem: He is a Muslim, and we are Christian.

• Photo outlasts marriage

  November 19, 2008

  Dear Amy: I need to know what should be done with my daughter's wedding picture. The picture is a formal, studio portrait showing her wearing her wedding gown. It is a beautiful picture of her, and it hangs in my living room. The reason for the concern is that my daughter is no longer married. Her husband decided after six years of marriage that he "just was not happy." They divorced, and he married someone else.

• Her boyfriends are losers

  November 18, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am an attractive 30-year-old woman with a good job. I have been in three serious relationships. My previous two boyfriends were losers who took advantage of my generous heart to fill up their pockets with my money. But I stayed with each of them for almost three years!

• Dogs with 'issues'

  November 17, 2008

  Dear Amy: My neighbors seem to be intelligent and kind. However, they do not "get it" on a serious safety problem.

• Adventures in baby-sitting for pals' kids

  November 16, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I frequently baby-sit a pair of very young children who are quite delightful, well-mannered and fun—until their parents arrive to pick them up. They suddenly switch into brat mode.

• Confront wife on Web affair

  November 15, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I are coming up on our 15-year anniversary and are at a major crossroads.

• It's time to let Dad in on secret

  November 14, 2008

  Dear Amy: Two years ago my son told me that he is gay. He is living with a partner in a house that they own. I know he's happy, and I've accepted that this is the way he needs to live his life.

• Holidays and extended families

  November 13, 2008

  Dear Readers: Recent letters in my column have raised the question of how families should arrange their holidays to accommodate extended family.

• She doesn't go along with the crowd

  November 12, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am a teenage girl and the complete antithesis of the other girls at my school. Instead of being a guest at the party, I would rather be behind the scenes cooking/cleaning/serving.

• Brother's drinking a danger sign

  November 11, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am at a loss when it comes to my brother. He is 34, divorced with no kids and has four DUIs. He lives with our parents rent-free, and even though he has no driver's license, he drives to and from work. He gets drunk on the weekends.

• They'd like to avoid family parties

  November 10, 2008

  Dear Amy: Even though I love my family, we have not been very close for many years. I never hear from my sister or niece, unless one of them is having a lame barbecue or birthday party.

• With gift exchanges, teach evolution

  November 9, 2008

  Dear Amy: What is the appropriate way to cancel gift exchanges with our relatives living in various states whom we seldom see?

• The overbearing Answer Man

  November 8, 2008

  Dear Amy: Help me! I am married to a brilliant man. "Randall" is well-educated, gets all the answers right when watching "Jeopardy!" and reads voraciously.

• Family split on path to take

  November 7, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have an ethical dilemma. I am 49 years old and the eldest of five. We've known for many years that my dad fathered another child, who is now 45 years old, happily married and a professor at a top university.

• How to say thanks for greatest gift

  November 6, 2008

  Dear Amy: My son (in his 30s) was diagnosed with leukemia last year. It was a long, grueling year, but thankfully the disease is now in remission and is doing well. He received a stem cell transplant from an anonymous donor. All we know of this donor is that he was a young male from Europe.

• Ask Amy

  November 5, 2008

  Dear Amy: I've been having very strong feelings about a man who is a lot older than I am and is married. I'm a student at a high school, and he is a teacher. I know this sounds so wrong, but I can't stop thinking about him. I go through my day with him in the back of my mind. When I'm in class with him, I know he's looking at me, but I'm too scared to look back.

• Real estate agent isn't a real pro

  November 4, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband and I are trying to sell our house. We have selected an agent with a proven ability to bring interested home buyers to the table.

• She's at a loss for the right word

  November 3, 2008

  Dear Amy: What do you think of a woman in her 40s who uses the word "whores" to describe 7th-grade girls? The girls in question are schoolmates of this woman's daughter and have limited to no experience with boys. One of them is my daughter.

• Money, gossip a bad mix at church

  November 2, 2008

  Dear Amy: I live in a small town and am active in my church. Our church treasurer shares information with her husband regarding the amount of money members contribute to the church. He then on occasion has relayed some of this information to other people at the local coffee shop.

• A selective flirt

  November 1, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been dating a guy for about six months. The issue I am trying to deal with concerns the number of his female friends. He is a single dad who raised his daughter on his own. She is involved in sports, and so he became friendly with a lot of the mothers of his daughter's friends. Most of these women are single, by the way.

• The kids/no-kids showdown

  October 31, 2008

  Dear Amy: I've been married to a wonderful woman for three years. I am in my early 40s, have never wanted kids and had a vasectomy long before we married.

• Is he being taken for a ride?

  October 30, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am 20 years old and gay. I met a guy more than two years ago. We became friends and started hanging out. Within six months, we were living together—but not as a couple. I told him early on that I had feelings for him, and he shot me down. He made it clear that he was straight. After that, my feelings for him only grew. Now I really do believe that I am in love with him.

• She's tired of being dismissed

  October 29, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am 55. I have been with my domestic partner for 14 years. I was previously married for 18 years, and we ran our own business for 17 of those years.

• Niece needs to join the team

  October 28, 2008

  Dear Amy: About a month ago, my partner and I let his sister and her daughter move into our home. Their home was flooded, so they needed a place to stay while their house was being repaired. The problem I have is with the niece. She is 20 years old and does nothing all day but watch TV and chat online. When we get home, we have to cook dinner and clean the house.

• Barking up the wrong tree

  October 27, 2008

  Dear Amy: Please tell me if I owe my new daughter-in-law an apology. My son told me that his wife was planning on getting a dog for me as a birthday gift.

• Family might lash out about sexuality

  October 26, 2008

  Dear Amy: During the past two years, my beliefs and lifestyle have come to diverge significantly from those of my family. Much of my family consists of closed-minded, fundamentalist Christians who have proven themselves quite willing to abandon relatives under certain circumstances.

• She has too much time on her hands

  October 25, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a lot of down time at my new job. With all this extra time, I have been studying and reading. These are activities I could never do at my previous job. As the new girl, does this reflect poorly on my worth ethic? When I have no assignments, what should I be doing? Something else?

• Mother wasn't a saint

  October 24, 2008

  Dear Amy: My mother passed away last year at the age of 86. My brother, "George," and I are the only survivors of our immediate family. I am 59, and he is 57.

• Mystery man is a cause for concern

  October 23, 2008

  Dear Amy: My daughter is in her mid-20s and has been in a relationship for a year with a never-married (we think) guy who is at least 12 years older than she.

• Baby-sitter may be out door

  October 22, 2008

  Dear Amy: Last week I walked into my room and found my cousin on my bed, making out with the baby-sitter, who is four years older than he is. I don't know what I should do or say to them. My parents really like this baby-sitter, and I'm afraid of what my cousin would do if I told on him.

• Husband is shadow of former self

  October 21, 2008

  Dear Amy: After kissing a lot of toads, I finally found my "Prince" more than 11 years ago. We had so much in common and were so in love. However, as with all relationships, things have changed. Now I am wondering what changes I should and should not accept.

• Keep focus on sister's pregnancy

  October 20, 2008

  Dear Amy: My mom called me up crying today to tell me that my 25-year-old sister is pregnant. She is not married. She has been pregnant for almost two months and has told some family members and friends, but she has not told me or my older sister.

• Post-divorce coping can last a lifetime

  October 19, 2008

  Dear Amy: My ex-husband and I split up four years ago. The whole thing came as a complete shock to me and especially to our three children. Since then, I have worked hard to keep their lives as stable as possible.

• Family's medical history is a source of stress for him

  October 18, 2008

  Dear Amy: My family has a history of cancer. I lost my mother to uterine cancer, my aunt had stomach cancer and my older sister died of breast cancer. I'm very worried and concerned about the health and well-being of my surviving younger sister.

• One man's stance on romance

  October 17, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am 45 and my wife is 40. We have been married for 15 years.

• She's had a year she'd like to forget

  October 16, 2008

  Dear Amy: The last year has been brutal. In addition to the death of a family member, being harassed at work and being diagnosed with diabetes, I learned that my boyfriend, "Dave," was cheating on me.

• Flirting with a bad outcome

  October 15, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am in a long-term, committed relationship with a wonderful man. I love him very much and am excited about our future together.

• A stalker-in-training

  October 14, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a friend, "Robert." We're in college. He has stuck with our group of four friends and has no desire to expand his social sphere. The problem is that he focuses on only three people. I often feel as if he invades my personal space––even more so because he has revealed that his feelings for me go beyond the platonic.

• Is boyfriend a racist?

  October 13, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been dating my boyfriend for about seven months. Recently, I was mad at him for canceling plans, and I wanted to see what he was up to, so I Googled him and learned that he has been posting on a white nationalist Web site.

• Help 4-year-old through 'rude' spell

  October 12, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am wondering what happened to children's manners these days. My 4-year-old preschooler frequently has friends over who just astound me with their lack of any manners.

• The grieving process

  October 11, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am a 12-year-old girl in middle school.

• The lonely dishwasher

  October 10, 2008

  Dear Amy: I recently moved into an apartment with three other girls.

• London's calling 'navy girlfriend'

  October 9, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am 19 and have been a "navy girlfriend" for about a year.

• Ask Amy

  October 8, 2008

  Dear Amy: Should I be worried if my 12-year-old son in middle school is not as socially active as he has always been? He goes to school dances and football games; he plays sports on teams; he does great in school in all advanced classes; but his social life has changed dramatically over the last few months.

• He puts wife on the back burner

  October 7, 2008

  Dear Amy: I've been married to a wonderful man for several years. Our relationship has been pretty good, and we had been talking about starting a family in a year or two. Recently, however, my husband has become obsessed with the idea of leaving his good job and returning full time to college to get his master's degree.

• Spineless husband

  October 6, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for six years, and every year without fail, my mother-in-law takes over plans for the holidays by telling my husband and his two siblings what foods to prepare, what gifts to bring, the time to get together and at whose house the event will be held.

• Setting the terms of endearment

  October 5, 2008

  Dear Amy: My mother insisted for a while that my children call her boyfriend "Grandpa." I resisted and refused, explaining that only the biological parents will be referred to with grandparent names, and that her boyfriend and my father's wife are to go by their own names.

• Smells like a scam

  October 4, 2008

  Dear Amy: For the past 15 years, my brother has been collecting Social Security disability payments for a "bad back." Meanwhile, he maintains a physically active lifestyle that includes such activities as skiing. He and his wife travel at least one-third of the time.

• What to do with his cheating heart

  October 1, 2008

  Dear Amy: I'm 24 and have been dating my 29-year-old boyfriend for the past five years. We have been very happy.

• Dumped ex howls over cat custody

  September 28, 2008

  Dear Amy: My live-in girlfriend of two years dumped me a couple of weeks ago, saying that she had never loved me.

• 'Nice' couple have no friends, no contact with family members

  September 27, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I have less of a social support system than homeless people. We are taking a trip abroad in a few days and had no one whom we could put down as a contact should the plane go down.

• Gay pair, Mom a volatile mix for birthday party

  September 26, 2008

  Dear Amy: In three months, my wife and I will celebrate our daughter's first birthday.

• Daughter feels uncomfortable around parents' creepy friend

  September 25, 2008

  Dear Amy: Several years ago, my father started inviting a co-worker, "Jerry," over to help restore an antique car. Since then the frequency of Jerry's visits has increased.

• Wife still experiencing effects of husband's emotional affair

  September 23, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married almost 32 years.

• $300 is not a payback for cashier's inattention

  September 22, 2008

  Dear Amy: I was recently at a supermarket. I charged my groceries.

• Relative should focus on child's health, not her weight

  September 21, 2008

  Dear Amy: I'm the relative of a 12-year-old girl who is unhealthily overweight, and I'm concerned for her.

• Puberty, start of middle school too much for 11-year-old to handle

  September 20, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am an 11-year-old boy and just started middle school.

• Her insecurities could put an end to relationship

  September 19, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am a newly engaged man and very much in love.

• Write this down 50 times: Do not profess interest in your professor

  September 18, 2008

  Dear Amy: Last semester I confessed to my professor that I like him. I asked him out. He said he considered my offer but that he doesn't date his students.

• Living in historic neighborhood opens door to unwanted guests

  September 17, 2008

  Dear Amy: We live in an old brownstone in a historic neighborhood. Lots of people walk by and take pictures of the homes and gardens. The problem is that they seem to think "historic" means "come right in and look around, use the bathroom, have a snack and stay awhile."

• Woman yearns for relationship that didn't happen

  September 16, 2008

  Dear Amy: About 20 years ago, I worked with a doctor, and we had a special "chemistry" between us. We fell passionately in love. Unfortunately, he was married at the time.

• Yes, the process of falling in love constitutes an emotional affair

  September 15, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband (of 10 years) and I were married to other people when we met. We worked together, and over the course of two years formed a friendship, which evolved into romantic love. During that time we only shook hands. We hugged once.

• Put down that BlackBerry, Dad

  September 14, 2008

  Dear Amy: My father and I don't get along at all, and I'm really starting to resent being his daughter.

• Intrusive questions worsen grief after son is killed in an accident

  September 13, 2008

  Dear Amy: My 20-year-old son died a few days ago.

• Out-of-town guests are becoming more a source of stress than a joy

  September 12, 2008

  Dear Amy: As I've gotten into my mid-40s and have been involved with family life and raising my three kids, I've found that I'm becoming more reclusive and disinclined to entertain out-of-town visitors.

• Mother seems bored, wastes money on gifts

  September 11, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am 25 years old, and my mother constantly buys me clothes. She buys me clothes on eBay, from catalogs and online stores. She lives a state away from me, where she has no friends except her boyfriend, and she works out of her home, so I assume she does it because she's bored and because she feels guilty about not being closer to her grandchildren and me.

• Stepmother's hectoring isn't something to confront alone

  September 10, 2008

  Dear Amy: I love my stepmother, "Hannah." Unfortunately, she is petty, judgmental, cold and stubborn, and I'm sick of her. I see my father regularly, but I only see Hannah for any length of time during happy family occasions, during which she assumes and insinuates things about me and my private life.

• Friend's poor housekeeping could be a sign of depression

  September 9, 2008

  Dear Amy: My friend and I watch each other's children now and then, and we also meet for play dates frequently.

• Employees afraid of boss who plays favorites

  September 8, 2008

  Dear Amy: We have a female boss who sends flowers to some of our female colleagues on their birthdays. The problem is that she gives to some and not others. Many of us have worked here for many years, and this favoritism has deeply hurt some of us who have worked hard for her.

• Co-worker's CIA attitude wears thin

  September 7, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a problem at work with the only other female in my department. She has told me that other people have "said things" about me. She won't say who is talking about me or what they say, but says she is "glad she got to know me and didn't listen to the others first."

• Attraction may be natural, but manager's reaction is all wrong

  September 6, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am a 16-year-old girl. I work with a small, student-based group, and I am very attracted to the manager of the project.

• Your Valentine's say

  February 8, 2008

  Valentine's Day can bring out the best -- and regrettably, sometimes, the worst -- in people.

• After an affair, disclosure can lead to closure

  March 8, 2007

  Dear Amy: About 10 years ago, my wife had an affair.